I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
