I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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