I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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