i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
