My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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