i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
why is half of my head shaved?
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