you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
