Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
