I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
