my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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