Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
