You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
