just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
