We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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