Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
