this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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