I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
