Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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