and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is the high leading the old right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
