Whod you bang
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
