We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
