At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
