Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
