Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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