You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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