this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
