Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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