You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
