so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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