I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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