did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
