a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
