Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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