What did we do last night that was yellow?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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