so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
