i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
