My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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