Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
