I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
