He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
