are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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