I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
