So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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