The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
