Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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