So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
