I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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