I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
