its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love black thongs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
