His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
