when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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