Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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