im drinking this country out of the recession.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
