My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
