What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
