I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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