apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
