had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
