I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
