smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All the doctor said was why
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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