the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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