the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
