Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
