Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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