Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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