some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize