She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
