You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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