i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
