I wish my penis had an off switch
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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