I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
