Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
