Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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