meet me or not, i'm out of control
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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