I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we should paint friendship bongs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
