You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm gonna fight the coyote