I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?