are you still at the devil's house?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
